Confusion
[THIS post, because it explains the root of how I look at abuse, is also filed permanently in the sidebar as a PAGE titled "About"]
From Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft:
“The abuser creates confusion because he has to. He can’t control and intimidate you, he can’t recruit people around him to take his side, he can’t keep escaping the consequences of his actions, unless he can throw everyone off the track. When the world catches on to the abuser, his power begins to melt away.” (p. 20)
I’m still coming out of the confusion and chaos of an abusive relationship. Divorced now, I have physical safety and do not live with constant fear. Still, because we have children, my abuser continues to have great power and continues to act, speak and interact in ways that are frightening and destabilizing to me, while maintaining a social aura that makes him look above reproach to those around him. Even though I don’t live in constant fear now, it doesn’t take much for me to be frightened or vulnerable when it comes to having to interact with him.
Talking about the craziness, reading about abuse tactics, understanding the method behind the madness helps me to keep coming back to a place of solidness in spite of the destabilizing nature inherent to interactions with an abuser.
I hope this site will be a place for compiling stories, resources and encouragement that encourages women trying to regain their mind, stability and safety. In a lot of ways, this blog is starting out as a personal journal–a place to write my thoughts as they come, to process the craziness I’ve experienced, to celebrate survival. I doubt it will be very systematic or organized, because abuse is only part of my life, but it has touched every part of my life. Some days, I feel the gut wrenching pain. Some days, I think about abuse in logical ways. Some days I’m poring over books and other resources.
As this site takes shape, please share your stories, ask questions, make comments. Contact me, if you’d like, at eclexia1 at gmail dot com.
